The 2013 State of the New York Jets Address

I know that the State of the Union is just about one week old. But, I thought that with it being President’s Day and all, it might be time to get a little presidential, by giving our “State of the Jets” address, so, without further adieu, here we go:

Jets fans, Jet Pressers, and all out there associated with the New York Jets:

Over the last four years, a lot of work has been done, and thanks to the hard work of many people around this football team, a lot of progress has been made. In the first two years, we nearly made it to the top of the mountain, reaching the AFC title game in two straight seasons. We hadn’t even been to one of those games since the 1998 season, so a lot of credit is due for the hard work.

We have built a defense here that is in the top 10 in the entire NFL every year. Our defense fund is so well stocked that even when our best parts break down (Revis), we have the backups to step right in and keep with our vision, for the New York Jets. Rex Ryan has been one of the most successful coaches in New York Jets history, and he is being kept on as we all know. I am confident that he is the guy to lead this team to the next level.

Now, we need to finish the job. And the question is, how?

There is still a lot of work to be done, ladies and gentlemen. Our job is not nearly complete, as we have not gotten to the top of that mountain. We have seen some regression over the last 2 years. Our economy has hit a recession, thanks to some unfortunate contracts signed for domestic products, like Mark Sanchez and David Harris.

Especially in the past year, our importing of points has been far below what we expect. We have exported a great deal of points to other franchises, like the New England Patriots for example, but we haven’t done such a good job at importing points. We need to produce points, ladies and gentlemen. Our franchise will prosper when we resume our production of points.

We have appointed new leaders to help us get where we need to go. Our new secretary of offense, or offensive coordinator, is Marty Mornhinweg. He has been the secretary of offense many times before, and his success is unquestioned. He takes poor performing offenses and turns them around quickly. He is the guy to lead our offense back to the forefront, and make them the prominent force for points to bring us the success we all know and deserve!

(hold for applause)

Dec 30, 2012; Orchard Park, NY, USA; New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez (6) drops to pass as Buffalo Bills defensive end Mario Williams (94) rushes during the second half at Ralph Wilson Stadium. Bills beat the Jets 28-9. Mandatory Credit: Kevin Hoffman-USA TODAY Sports

Mark Sanchez has come under a lot of fire due to his performance, but fear not. We have brought in some extra training materials for him. Our military trainer, or quarterbacks coach, David Lee, has had major success turning under performing quarterbacks around. We WILL bring in a quarterback that can compete with Mark Sanchez. No matter what it takes, ladies and gentlemen, we will succeed at the quarterback position! I promise!

(hold for applause)

We will have new military strategies, ones that are rooted in the West Coast (the West Coast offense). This will play to our strengths. We will flood enemy territory with weapons, and we won’t stop until we take over! The Jets will fly!

(roar from the crowd)

And the economy? We will fix the economy! We have a lot of defense weapons that have failed to perform, like Bart Scott, Calvin Pace, and Eric Smith, yet we are paying for this artillery. Not any more! We will eliminate the weapons that don’t work, to make our defense fund even more efficient, and number one!

We have John Idzik, taking over as economic advisor (general manager). He has an excellent history of promoting success without over-spending the budget, which is something that should excite fans everywhere. Finally, we have Rex Ryan. No general is more prepared to take his troops into battle than Rex Ryan. He will settle for nothing less than success!

As I will settle for nothing less. The Jets will succeed! We…..will….succeed!

Thank you. You are the best, and J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!!!!