The 2013 State of the New York Jets Address

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I know that the State of the Union is just about one week old. But, I thought that with it being President’s Day and all, it might be time to get a little presidential, by giving our “State of the Jets” address, so, without further adieu, here we go:

Jets fans, Jet Pressers, and all out there associated with the New York Jets:

Over the last four years, a lot of work has been done, and thanks to the hard work of many people around this football team, a lot of progress has been made. In the first two years, we nearly made it to the top of the mountain, reaching the AFC title game in two straight seasons. We hadn’t even been to one of those games since the 1998 season, so a lot of credit is due for the hard work.

We have built a defense here that is in the top 10 in the entire NFL every year. Our defense fund is so well stocked that even when our best parts break down (Revis), we have the backups to step right in and keep with our vision, for the New York Jets. Rex Ryan has been one of the most successful coaches in New York Jets history, and he is being kept on as we all know. I am confident that he is the guy to lead this team to the next level.

Now, we need to finish the job. And the question is, how?

There is still a lot of work to be done, ladies and gentlemen. Our job is not nearly complete, as we have not gotten to the top of that mountain. We have seen some regression over the last 2 years. Our economy has hit a recession, thanks to some unfortunate contracts signed for domestic products, like Mark Sanchez and David Harris.

Especially in the past year, our importing of points has been far below what we expect. We have exported a great deal of points to other franchises, like the New England Patriots for example, but we haven’t done such a good job at importing points. We need to produce points, ladies and gentlemen. Our franchise will prosper when we resume our production of points.

We have appointed new leaders to help us get where we need to go. Our new secretary of offense, or offensive coordinator, is Marty Mornhinweg. He has been the secretary of offense many times before, and his success is unquestioned. He takes poor performing offenses and turns them around quickly. He is the guy to lead our offense back to the forefront, and make them the prominent force for points to bring us the success we all know and deserve!

(hold for applause)

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